why

  A great deal of what is write is an attempt to explain. I'm trying to explain it to myself most of the time. The search for justification you might call it. I guess that is what therapists do. They listen to your answers and tell you why you answered in the way that you did. For me, a good friend or a good bartender does the same thing with a lot fewer words. Thing is, I already know all of that, it is simply a matter of admitting to it. I never ask, what was I thinking. I ask myself, what made me think that. As I said, I know what I was thinking, just not sure why.

 Influence is the usual cause. Role models or whatever you wish to call those people that influence your decision making process. You've been told what the correct response to the situation should be, but opinions vary on that. Whose opinion do you value the most? The fact is, it isn't always your own. It is the difference between arrogance and confidence. That must be combined with acceptance of consequence. What we sometimes call, getting over it. 

 For me, I've always found it easier to simply accept the blame for my choices rather than to blame someone else. Is that the result of confidence or arrogance? That would certainly depend upon who you ask. I just find it more difficult when I have to admit to myself, I should have listened. Probably the reason I take a secret satisfaction is saying, I told you so. Yes, I enjoy being correct even in the face of defeat. Thing is it was my choice. And that is what I tell myself. 

 Discovering the truth is something quite difficult to do. I'm not easily influenced. The hardest person to convince of anything is yourself. I can easily fool others by making a simple declarative statement, but do I actually believe that? That is where hypocrisy enters the equation. It is also where the search for "exceptions" begin. We all have those special circumstances that except us from the norm. It's the reason people break the rules. I made up a name for those folks, I call them "Butimahs" which means, But I am a (fill in the blank) wrote a whole blog about that in 2010. I'm one of those people too. It's just that I'm different from the others. The truth, is I'm? That is what I'm trying to explain to myself.

 There are those that pay a lot of money to have others explain their thoughts. I think a great number of those people accept the answer simply because that is what they paid for. In my way of thinking the same reason people buy name brand products at inflated prices when they could buy the same product for half the cost that would perform equally well. But we tend to think it if costs a lot of money, it must be good. There are those that require that outside influence to accept anything, they need reassurance and validation. Doesn't matter to them if they have to buy that. The reality is all they need is honesty. Being honest with themselves and being honest with others. The hardest part is being honest with yourself. 

 Now just what made me think that? You know what you were thinking.  Just be honest with yourself. You are really the only person you can't fool. In the end the truth will catch up with you. The reason some people seek an escape through alcohol, drugs and therapy. At least that's what I'm thinking. But the real question is, why do I think that?