misunderstood

  It's a bit of a quandary. If the post is too long people won't read it. If the post is too short, it often goes misunderstood. At least that is how I feel about that most of the time. Now I understand the struggle of an author. I'll make no claims to being one of those any more than I'll claim to be an artist. The truth is I don't claim to be much of anything other than what I am. But what am I? Well, the truth is I'm pretty much what others think I am regardless of my personal feelings about that. It is something that may be hard to accept at times, but it is a simple truth. 

 It's a question we were all asked when we were younger. What do you want to be when you grow up? I never had an answer for that one. I can't remember ever wanting to be anything in particular at any time in my life. I've never felt like I had any special talent or purpose. I'm just a small cog in a very big machine. I had no choice when I was created and no choice when it comes to an end. I'm of the opinion that suicide isn't a choice. But that is one of those statements that may go misunderstood. It would probably still be misunderstood if I wrote an entire volume on that. As I said, I'm no author.

 Social media is no platform for conversation, for the exchange of ideas. That is something I have discovered, and I find it a bit disappointing. At first, I thought it would a great thing to be in contact with all of those folks I have known in the past. I'm not talking about just my close friends but classmates and acquaintances as well. And at first it was. But it didn't take long to discover why we weren't closer friends all those years ago. It was and remains a world of "cliques." Those values and characteristics that formed those friendships then, form the friendship now. The dismissal and rebuttal of others is certainly a lot easier on social media than it ever was in person. It's the reason for those Facebook "groups."

 I belonged to one group years back. Turned out not to be the group I thought it was. So, I left that group and started a group of my own. I'm the sole administrator of that group. I don't spend much time administrating, however. I have noticed a number of groups that now require you to answer a series of questions, provide references and a background check before the administrator will allow your comments. I don't have any rules at all. I leave that up to the person leaving the comment. If I decide to, I will just block that person. I haven't blocked many, and it wasn't so much about what they said, but the way they said it. Discuss not cuss! 

 Still, I enjoy logging on and reading what others have to say. I like making my little postings and sharing my thoughts on current events. I read what others have to say even when the post is a little longer and doesn't have a picture. I'll leave my honest comment or reaction. I figure that is why people post those things in the first place. It is nice to get those "likes" or read something positive about whatever it is you have posted. I'm not surprised when others disagree with me or say something negative. It's called independent thought in my world. You are allowed to do that, even though I will most likely attempt to convince you of the error of your ways. We can disagree and just go on about our days and lives same as always.

 I wonder what I'll be when I grow up. I wonder how I'll know when I'm grown up. What does that even mean? Does that mean your occupation? Is that what you are? If that is the case, I've been a mechanic, a sailor, an upholsterer, a retail clerk, a truck driver and an industrial maintenance man. Those are some of the things I've done to make a living. So, what was I? Do I have to put a name on that. I'm retired now so I'm not any of those things, so what am I? Is retired being grown up? My wife certainly wouldn't agree with that assessment. Maybe I'll be an author when I grow up. But first I have to get people to buy what I'm selling. So far, my product isn't catching on. 

 Ah, it's the same old story. It's just the wrong time and place. Of course, in all fairness to myself, I haven't offered any of what I write for sale either. Really have little interest in that part of the whole thing. Is growing up deciding what you want to do to make money? Yes, I guess it is. And I guess that is the problem, if there is a problem. I've just never been that fixated on making money. I like money, I want money and I will work to get money, but money has never been the goal. 

 I don't know what the goal is. No problem though, I'll just keep playing the game. It isn't about who wins or loses. That's what I've always been told. When I was a kid, my mom had a little figurine on the shelf by the fireplace. It was a hobo, complete with his little sack on a stick over his shoulder. He held a sign that read, "money isn't everything, but it sure beats whatever is in second place" I connected with that hobo on some level. I understood exactly what he was saying.