names

  I was talking with a former classmate that I haven't seen in over fifty years. It was on Facebook, of course, that's where most of us old people are or, so I've been told. Congress doesn't believe that though as they had the CEO of Meta testifying before them. I'm guessing there are younger people using Facebook too. Whatever the case is I was having a brief chat. I know this person as Patty. Her Christian name is Patricia but Patty to me. I asked her if anyone still called her Patty. She said a few did and I was welcome to call her that. I explained to her that I am Ben now, I used to be Benny. It's a bit strange how that works. 

 It is something I have written about in the past, what haven't I, but was in my thoughts once again. What I began thinking about was how we can become frozen in time. When I see Patty for instance, she is about 16 years old, and a mental image is formed. It isn't a clearly defined image, not like a photograph, but an image, nonetheless. I remember her and associate her with certain things. I'm thinking it is the same with everyone and that can be a disturbing thought. I'm not the same person I was fifty years ago but to many I would be. On another level that's not such a bad thing, being remembered that way, as I was young and thin. 

 Now with this particular classmate we weren't especially close in those years. We had what I would call a casual relationship, we were classmates. That's about as far as it went. It is that way with a good number of the folks I reconnect with on Facebook. We know "of" each other more than we know each other. It's our reputation that remains. That is what is frozen in time. When we see a photograph of those people, we are sometime shocked by that. I'm shocked by that looking in the mirror! The image doesn't change the memory, however. To be honest about it I don't make any attempt to look. I'm not one to stalk somebody's profile page. It always feels a little creepy to me, like I'm looking in my wife's purse or something. 

 Having joined the Navy after high school and being stationed in a lot of different places, there would be a good number of people that may remember me, by name or reputation. In each memory I would be a slightly different person. Those that served with me in 1972 surely having a different view of those in 1986. When I retired in 1991, I would be yet another person. On my retirement plaque I 'm called Father Time. To those folks I was the old man at forty! Time is always relative. I've worked at several different firms since then and each would have a different view of me, and of my abilities. Yes, we are judged everywhere we go, and opinions formed.

 When I meet these people again on social media I'm always pleased. It's good to know that those you knew all those years ago are still around. Unfortunately, all too many I have discovered are not. But I post my good morning almost every day and am happy to get a response. I said years ago if this is supposed to be social media, we should be sociable. I do enjoy the social interaction, even when others are just looking for a fight. I just don't take it too seriously. I admit I have blocked a few as I just didn't want to continue the discussion. Not all birds have the same feathers, that's just life.

 It's a funny thing this social media. I see it as being in polite company. When in polite company one does not curse, disparage others, or ask personal questions. That's the way I was raised anyway. Many feel free to act otherwise from behind the safety of their keyboards. That's my feeling anyway. I'm certain many would not say those things to my face or at the very least temper their way of expressing themselves. It is easy to become comfortable with all that and it is something I guard against. I admit my guard is up more so with those that I know or remember, than with total strangers. It shouldn't, but it makes a difference.

 There are times I am curious about those I knew all those years ago. I wonder what their lives have been like. What they have been doing? What about their relationships and that sort of thing. But that isn't something you just come out and ask without appearing to be some creepy stalking person. That is stuff of those "catfishing" people, or scammers and hackers. It's just not the stuff one asks about in polite company. That information has to be offered. There is also that stuff you would just rather not share. I'm not an open book, there are pages, if not chapters, that you just don't need to read. Do I really want to know what their thoughts about me are, if they have even given me a thought. There are those I haven't thought about in fifty years or more, and in looking at class yearbooks a few I don't remember at all. Might be disappointing to find out that you don't remember me, or that your opinion of me is less than stellar. 

 I've been "little" Ben. That's what my family called me. That lasted for quite a while. That put the thought in my mind that I should be just like Dad, as he was the original Ben. Later I was called Benny by my classmates and friends. That was like a step up from little Ben. After joining the Navy I became Ben at some point. I'm not sure when that happened. Ben is a man's name. I did know a man named Benny, he was a butcher, but Benny didn't fit me after being in the Navy. My given name is Austin. No one has ever called me Austin except maybe a teacher on the first day of school. I never wanted to be Austin. So, to some I'm still little Ben, to others Benny, and to the majority Ben. I haven't given any thought to what name goes on my headstone. I expect it will be Austin. I am Jr. and my father's marker says Austin even though he was never called by that name. All four names are the same person, or are they? Depends upon what others say or remember, I have no control over that.