meeting the elephant

  Allow me to preface this blog with a bit of an explanation. A good many of these narratives are simply what I think about. They aren't meant to be anything more than that. The best part about writing these thoughts down is I don't hear many disagreements, although doubt sometimes creeps in. After they are posted I normally do not get much feedback. I'm always happy when I do, but not always happy with what is said. Imagine that. My audience is limited. Judging by the reaction some of my comments on different sites on Facebook, especially the New York Times, incite that is a good thing. I could see people with pitchforks and torches outside my window! What follows is what I have thought about many times since 1993. I am not looking for any comments on this, just offering a perspective.

 You hear much about veterans these days. The commercials, the ads, the political campaigns, fundraisers, tributes, and accolades abound. Those who served is the phrase most often used. Much is said about sacrifice and duty. I've even been to events where they have asked veterans to stand up and be recognized with some applause, an expression of gratitude. I don't like doing that and only do so when my family members insist I should. I never know what to say when someone says, thank you for your service usually I just say, you're welcome. I'm just uncomfortable with all of that. I'm not uncomfortable claiming any benefits I have earned from that service, however. But that is where things get a bit sticky for me, in my thoughts. I question whether I truly earned those benefits. 

 Now I'm not talking about the contractual benefits, I fulfilled that contract. Yes, I earned my retirement income and my medical benefits. I did so by completing my contractual obligations. But do I deserve everything else? The recognition, praise or respect of the general public? You see, I see it this way. I was in the fighting forces that guard our nations freedom. That declaration was printed in large letters on the wall when I went to basic training. It is the first directive in the Code of Conduct. " I am an American fighting in the forces that guard my country and our way of life, I am prepared to give my life in their defense." I took that very seriously and still do.

 During the civil war there was a phrase used, "meeting the elephant" to mean meeting the enemy on the field of battle. It meant you have been engaged in actual combat, bullets flying, bayonet charges and all of that. It meant your life was seriously at risk! My 3rg great grandfather had met the elephant. A good number of my ancestors, my family members did just that in each succeeding war. My own father having done so in the belly of a B-24 Liberator flying over enemy ground. Combat, the fight for your life, for a cause, for an ideal, as a duty, an obligation, and a service. Meeting the elephant.

 The thing is, I have never met the elephant. Signing the papers, saying you would, is not the same as doing it. That's my feeling about that and the reason I am left thinking about that. The question being, would I? Not really would, but could I? Some may view that as being lucky and I can see that, but it leaves me with, I'll never know. And for that reason, I hesitate to accept any accolades or profess any great sacrifice made. I signed up for the job, and never really had to do that job. That's how I see all of that. I trained, I was ready, but I didn't actually have to do any of that. I wasn't ever in any real danger. Only heard the order to go to general quarters a few times when it wasn't a drill. When there was a possibility that the ship could be attacked. It never was. 

 For me, accepting any praise, any recognition for being an American "fighting" man is akin to stolen valor. I never fought anyone directly, never met that elephant in the room. And that is a big elephant to face! Yes, with the enthusiasm of youth, the belief that somehow only the others will be injured or killed, you may rush to battle. It's one thing to talk about in the barracks, on the ship and in the clubs, quite another to face that reality. I signed up for the course, but never took the final exam. I'm untested. And that is what I'm thinking about, my perspective on all of that. It's something I swore I would do, but would I? I'll never know, and that doesn't leave me much to brag about. I did my job and fulfilled the terms of the contract. I'm enjoying the benefits of that. But I'm just enjoying what I earned, that's how I see it. Untested and unproven I can't claim anything more than that.