do you remember

  Every family has those little stories that are told and retold over the years. Whenever the family gets together, sooner or later the story is told. These stories are the little incidences in life that amuse us, mostly they amuse the one telling the tale. The tale usually doesn't involve them however, it will be about someone else. Sometimes embarrassing, sometimes sad, and sometimes just plain silly. There are several that have been told about me in my family. The "little man on the wall" incident rates near the top. My fear when riding the Ferris wheel as a child and a few indiscretions later in life. Stories told again and again, relived, often revised and embellished, but never forgotten. I have written down a few of these family stories but discovered something in doing so. The stories just aren't the same anymore. When those that were there, that participated in some ways aren't there to share the story, the story loses life. It just becomes, at best, an amusing anecdote. When it loses it personality, the story just isn't the same. The story itself becomes lonely. True loneliness is when all that remains are your memories. When the only company you have are those memories and no one to share them with. Each of us will experience that and deal with it in our own way. 

  But as we grow older, we keep creating new memories, ones that we can share with those around us. They may be fewer in number, memories take time to grow, but they are created, nonetheless. Memories do take time to age, to ripen into a story worth repeating. Stories that begin with, do you remember? That is the invocation. The invitation to the others to join in that memory. It never ceases to amaze me how different the tale can be, even from the ones that were there at the time. A different view, a different time or place. But that is the magic of a tale told in the first person, it comes from their view. The way I saw it, it was a tremendous catch, others saw it as lucky. There are times all we remember is our intentions, not what actually happened. With family an explanation may be forthcoming. And sometimes years after the incident, after the story has been told hundreds of times, the motivation is exposed. The reasoning explained. A new twist added to the tale.

 I think what we chose to remember is far more important than what we actually remember. That's my philosophy anyway. It is a choice. You can't change the past, you can't rewrite history, but you can remember whatever you like. That is the key to happiness in my opinion. When my great grandfather passed that was the first funeral I attended. It didn't go well I was overcome with sadness and grief. Still, that isn't what I remember about him, or that funeral. I remember Gramp, as I called him for who he was, and I remember the comfort I was offered by a sister-in-law at his funeral. Yes, that is another family story that was told as I was teased about that. But it isn't how I remember it. It's just a story. See how that works? When we begin with, do you remember, that is what we are asking. How do you see the story. It's great when you all agree on the story, but entertaining when you do not as well. It is the sharing of a common bond that is important, what we feel. It's a visit to the past. It's our world, the family. Outsiders cannot know the story; they are not part of that. 

 The same applies with those friends and acquaintances that we grew up with, attended school together, perhaps were in the service with. Whatever group you belonged to will have those stories that begin with, do you remember. When you are no longer with that group the stories lose their meaning. Then they have to be told in the second person. The word you doesn't appear in that story. And generally speaking, people don't like stories that don't contain the word you. The like to read them, not hear them. History is remembered by those that write it down. But not everyone sees or lives the same history. That becomes an issue. You can see that today especially. Used to be when we were asked, do you remember, we did pretty much remember the history we had been taught. Today there are so many alternative histories that no one can seem to agree. History has become personal, in the first person. History being told from a new perspective. Not so much what we remember, but what we think motivated those actions. You can't remember what you never lived, what you never experienced. In those instances, you only remember what you have been told. What do you remember?