friendship

 With old friends, it's personal. That's something that I have become increasingly aware of as the years roll by. That awareness began, I believe, when I first joined Facebook. That was when I began reconnecting with those old friends from my youth. At first it was just anyone from my youth, those I had attended school with. I felt a kinship with the names, if not the people, on a personal level. We shared common memories of events, but not always of each other, or other people. But it was community that was being shared, nothing too personal about that. It is an identity, but it isn't necessarily who you are either. That's where the personal part comes into the picture. And I have discovered there are many levels to that as well. As time goes on and interaction continues you find out who that person is. At least, we form our own opinion on that based on our own beliefs. It all depends upon how personal you get. 

 I'm certain this is different for each of us as we make our way through the world. For those that remain in their hometown, stay and interact with those childhood friends, it certainly has to be different. They would still remain a part of their lives on some level. Still have access on a first-person basis. But for others, like me, that moved away all that was left behind. Those names and faces become mostly memories. I did stay in touch with my closest friends from that period in my life, an occasional phone call or card. Holidays observed or support and condolences offered when required. Still, much transpired in our lives that the others were unaware of. 

 It's the personal things that make a friendship special. That's what causes a bond to endure. When we are young, in those "formative" years as the experts like to say, we are choosing the medium, the thoughts and feelings that form the strongest bonds. We search for a commonalty. It's as simple as the birds of a feather analogy. That's the basis for the "cliques" in the schoolhouse. Later in life it is the basis for many fraternal organizations, charities and groups. Sharing a common goal or mindset. Today there is much talk of right and left, that is the dividing line. The truth is it has always been so. It is those core beliefs that either draw people together or place a wedge between them. Some would call them values. I say it is the value of believing. With our closest friends we believe in them. We can count of them to be there for us whenever it is necessary. That is why we can go for years, sometimes decades without losing that belief, that faith. 

 We often say we need to catch up. We want to catch up with old friends, to hear the news and the gossip. We have that desire to be a part of the past. There are questions you will not ask, situations not shared that will have influenced everyone. With your closest friends you get to choose what to share, and it will go unchallenged. That is the value of an old friendship. The desire to preserve what was, is a strong one. That desire outweighs all else. Questions, doubts, or even direct evidence contrary to what has been said, is insignificant in comparison. The bond cannot be broken by any of that. Not if the value remains the same. we don't really want to catch up, we want to go back. 

 As far as Facebook goes, it's nothing personal. That is something I have come to understand. I do enjoy meeting people from the past, those that I knew if only by name or reputation, and those that I was closer too as well. I enjoy hearing about their lives, like characters in a storybook. With those folks I only know what is written and they are the author. I'm aware that is true for me as well. Guess you could use the old adage, "you can fool some of the people some of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all the people all the time." (Abraham Lincoln) I've witnessed that on Facebook more than once over the last decade or so. I'm thinking you can't really get personal unless it is in person. I also think that is what is causing a great deal of the unrest we are experiencing today. Too many choices! People are forming personal opinions based on impersonal information. Just because information is impersonal doesn't make it the truth. With old friends it is personal. Not your person though, theirs. That is the maturity of a lasting friendship. That remains unchanged by time or distance. 

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." (John Leonard) It takes long time to appreciate that as well. "To remain as excited as when you first received the gift, that is friendship." (A.B. Reichart)