Tuesday, August 7, 2018

the last time

 When we say the phrase, for the last time, it is usually said with sorrow. At least that seems to be  the case the majority of the time. We are putting something behind us, and often it is something that we enjoyed. That is the paradox in that statement. We would like to do it ( whatever ) again but we put it behind us. We believe that it will never catch up with us again, it is in the past, relegated to memory. It is acceptance. That is how I would describe that, acceptance. It may or may not be accompanied by reluctance. There are times when the last time is welcomed. But even when welcomed, it is said with sorrow. An example of that could be, I quit smoking. It's a good thing, I welcome that, I have put that behind me, but still I remember it fondly. Would I go back there?  Maybe, if there were a way to do so without all the side effects, it was an enjoyable thing. I genuinely enjoyed having a smoke. Thing is, I have accepted the truth of the matter, it was killing me. So, I smoked my last cigarette, put that in the past, and don't expect I'll ever do that again.
 This morning my wife says to me, I'd like to see the Montauk lighthouse. My first thought was, I've seen that for the last time.  ( She hasn't seen it for the first time) That is what prompted this musing. It was with a bit of sorrow that thought entered my mind. No, it's not a certainty, more like a feeling, call it premonition if you like. Now I could make the effort, make it a point to go see that lighthouse and prove my feeling wrong. That's not the point however, the feeling exists. Should I take control, attempt to alter what may be? Ah, there's the thing, attempting to influence what the future brings. It is something we spend our entire lives doing, at least our adult lives. Isn't that why we go to school, get a job, and peruse the American dream? We are attempting to shape the future. What many fail to learn along the way is acceptance. I think that is more prevalent today than at any time in history. Are we not encouraged to "peruse our dreams" to never look back, to never surrender? Surrender is seen as defeat, when there are times when surrender is nothing more than acceptance of truth. We do get old, we do have to relegate some actions to the past, to memory. Yes, there is a last time for everything.
 Man traditionally deals with that eventuality, that reality by the practice of his religion. God or Gods prepare us for the acceptance of death. We are convinced that we will not die, at least in the spiritual sense. Again we are talking about feelings or premonition. To the believer, there is no question, no doubt about any of that. The only question left for me, because I believe, is will I know it. Will I know that I have taken my last breath? Will that be accompanied by sorrow? Or will I just accept that? Is that what ghosts are? Sad people trying to get back to this world? Are they attempting to change the future? Well, I suppose that depends upon whether you believe in ghosts in the first place. I don't, simply because you can't be in two places at the same time.
 For the last time? I do believe it is something we had best all learn to accept. Also I believe this advice is applicable to everyone : "The only time you mustn't fail is the last time you try. Charles Kettering" Still I would say to Mr. Kettering, "when we do something for the last time it is because we are through, whether we know it or not."  
  

No comments:

Post a Comment