I was writing about idle words which lead into a discussion about bullying. I think we have all been bullied at different times and to different degrees. The one situation I hear often is the " lone " child standing against a group. I wonder how this comes to be. It has been forty three years since I was in high school, so that is my latest experience in that situation. Surprisingly I do remember it quite well. I remember the little cliques. I was in one and so was everyone else that I knew. They weren't all in my little group but they all belonged to some group. I can not name a single person that I would call a " loner. " We all had friends. There was some that were " less popular " the " not cool " kids but they had their group. So, this social isolation that these children experience is a foreign concept to me. I would tend to think it has to be self imposed. Even in the small school that I attended there were those that you could find something in common with. There was a group to join. And in my group, we stood up for each other. We offered support.
Is the bullying today any worse than the bullying of yesterday ? There are more avenues to take I believe and a greater number may become involved through social media and the like. But why do the children of today seem to have more of a problem dealing with it ? Perhaps it is because the kids today are more sheltered. I do believe the children of today, for the most part, are a lot less independent than say forty years ago. When I was a child I was watched. The difference was after a certain age I was left to "fend " for myself. Mom decided when that was. I had to learn to get along with other people, deal with situations and conflicts. In my day you didn't go running to Mom and Dad or call a lawyer. You had to figure it out for yourself. I could ask Mom or Dad for advice or maybe a brother or sister but none of them resolved the issue for me, I had to do that myself. Thing was, I had backup ! The other thing was, you didn't want that backup to intervene unless it was absolutely necessary.
There was a saying we all heard. You can " learn to like it. " That phrase was used to tell you that whatever it was wasn't going to change no matter what you did, so you had to " learn to like it. " Just another way of telling you you can't always have it your way. In another sense the lesson was, pick your battles wisely. The message was, there are those that will not agree with you, there are those that will not like you, get over it and move on. After a time bullies become as a fly, an annoyance and to be avoided. If they became too bothersome I would either just leave the area or swat at them. Either way, the fly never wins. Even when I decided to just leave the area, it was my choice. No need to get too upset about it.
The big excuse I hear is that the world is so much worse today than it was years ago. In the area of crime, statistics do not support that. In fact, there is less crime today than forty years ago. I think parents do not allow their children to " go out and play " as often. I didn't have a hundred channels on the television, which Dad controlled anyway, nor computers or internet. The phone was on the kitchen wall. Mom had to clean the house, so it was, " go out and play. " I was forced to make contact with other real kids. I did live on a dirt road and there were few houses. I had neighbors with children, on and off. Some I liked and others I didn't. Those other kids had different ideas about what was fun sometimes. Sometimes they got me into trouble. My own fault really, I knew better but was fitting in. All a part of the learning process. The important lesson being, be confident in your beliefs. Do not try to force others to play your game and join theirs only when you know it is right. If it isn't right, turn and walk away.
I make no claim to knowing any answers or offering a solution to this problem. I will say this. I do think our overall maturity level has declined over the years. We resort to legislation, collective bargaining, and hiring experts in " conflict resolution " far too often. When things do not go our way or someone offends us what is the first thing you hear ? I'll sue you ! Forcing your will upon others, even when justified in doing so, is not always the answer. What happens when that avenue is not available or feasible ? How do I then deal with it ? Little Johnny is calling me names, I can't sue him for that. What do I do ? I have to make a choice. The choice I make will be based upon my past experiences. First and foremost I must have had that experience. I'm not getting that if Mom and Dad settle every dispute for me. ( legislation ) I do require their support ( backup ) when I am right. If I am wrong that doesn't mean that they blindly support me however. There are times when Mom and Dad are the bullies ! Learn to like it.
Is the bullying today any worse than the bullying of yesterday ? There are more avenues to take I believe and a greater number may become involved through social media and the like. But why do the children of today seem to have more of a problem dealing with it ? Perhaps it is because the kids today are more sheltered. I do believe the children of today, for the most part, are a lot less independent than say forty years ago. When I was a child I was watched. The difference was after a certain age I was left to "fend " for myself. Mom decided when that was. I had to learn to get along with other people, deal with situations and conflicts. In my day you didn't go running to Mom and Dad or call a lawyer. You had to figure it out for yourself. I could ask Mom or Dad for advice or maybe a brother or sister but none of them resolved the issue for me, I had to do that myself. Thing was, I had backup ! The other thing was, you didn't want that backup to intervene unless it was absolutely necessary.
There was a saying we all heard. You can " learn to like it. " That phrase was used to tell you that whatever it was wasn't going to change no matter what you did, so you had to " learn to like it. " Just another way of telling you you can't always have it your way. In another sense the lesson was, pick your battles wisely. The message was, there are those that will not agree with you, there are those that will not like you, get over it and move on. After a time bullies become as a fly, an annoyance and to be avoided. If they became too bothersome I would either just leave the area or swat at them. Either way, the fly never wins. Even when I decided to just leave the area, it was my choice. No need to get too upset about it.
The big excuse I hear is that the world is so much worse today than it was years ago. In the area of crime, statistics do not support that. In fact, there is less crime today than forty years ago. I think parents do not allow their children to " go out and play " as often. I didn't have a hundred channels on the television, which Dad controlled anyway, nor computers or internet. The phone was on the kitchen wall. Mom had to clean the house, so it was, " go out and play. " I was forced to make contact with other real kids. I did live on a dirt road and there were few houses. I had neighbors with children, on and off. Some I liked and others I didn't. Those other kids had different ideas about what was fun sometimes. Sometimes they got me into trouble. My own fault really, I knew better but was fitting in. All a part of the learning process. The important lesson being, be confident in your beliefs. Do not try to force others to play your game and join theirs only when you know it is right. If it isn't right, turn and walk away.
I make no claim to knowing any answers or offering a solution to this problem. I will say this. I do think our overall maturity level has declined over the years. We resort to legislation, collective bargaining, and hiring experts in " conflict resolution " far too often. When things do not go our way or someone offends us what is the first thing you hear ? I'll sue you ! Forcing your will upon others, even when justified in doing so, is not always the answer. What happens when that avenue is not available or feasible ? How do I then deal with it ? Little Johnny is calling me names, I can't sue him for that. What do I do ? I have to make a choice. The choice I make will be based upon my past experiences. First and foremost I must have had that experience. I'm not getting that if Mom and Dad settle every dispute for me. ( legislation ) I do require their support ( backup ) when I am right. If I am wrong that doesn't mean that they blindly support me however. There are times when Mom and Dad are the bullies ! Learn to like it.
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