that explains it

  We have all heard the advice, just do it for yourself. The thing with that is I don't find much enjoyment in that unless I'm sharing it with others. I believe it is something we all need to do. What pleasure is there in writing a poem or a song that no one else hears? What satisfaction comes from creating anything that no one else uses? I have often said I'm writing these blogs more for myself than anything else and that's the truth of it. It's not the whole truth though, I do publish them, I am happy when others comment, with the knowledge that others read my thoughts. If I had never published them, shared them in any way, I most likely would have quit writing them years ago. I occasionally go back and read what I have written and sometimes find it boring. I can hear the voices of others saying, who cares? The answer to that question is, I care. Am I just doing this for myself? Apparently so. Fortunately, I have little to no expectation regarding this activity.

   “I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.” (Henry David Thoreau) You can't argue with the truth of that statement. That is certainly true of each of us. It has also been said, if you want to know what you believe, write. I've found I don't always believe everything I write, much of it is speculation or opinion. I believe in that speculation or opinion but not necessarily the fact. But it's true that I seldom change any of that until faced with reality. Like a gambler I believe I will win until I don't. That doesn't stop me from believing the next hand won't be different. Some call that optimism. It's not good to be overly optimistic, that must be tempered with the truth, the facts, the reality of the situation. Success only comes with sharing. That's what I believe. How can you know you succeeded without that? 

  The greatest joy in life comes from helping others. There are a great many quotes about that. The Bible says do unto others, and many celebrated and famous people have expressed similar statements regarding doing for others. The selfless giving of yourself to the benefit of another. A noble sentiment no doubt. I can't help but feel it is the validation you receive from doing those acts that is the impetus for continuing to do so, more so than the actual act itself. That means you are really doing it for yourself. It's a self-serving action. to give with no expectation of return. That I believe is a fallacy. It is only in the degree of return that people differ, but everyone expects something in return. It's true even when the only return is self-satisfaction. I believe the only exception to that may be if you have the faith of a martyr! That is a very rare commodity. 

  So just why do I write these blogs and post them to the internet? I'm doing it for myself. That is the only reasonable answer to the question. I'm certainly not getting paid, receiving any sort of compensation. If, after more than a decade, I haven't been "discovered" I have to believe no one is looking for me. But I continue to leave my thoughts behind in a written record. I do expect a return. I'm disappointed when I don't get any or what I get are unfavorable. I realize the failure is on my part, it is up to the author to write the story. Then I wonder why I'm doing something for myself that exposes my shortcomings. It would be a lie to say, I don't care. I do care. That's why I write them in the first place. 

Ben Franklin had this to say: "If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." I figure if I write enough there surely has to be something worth reading. I don't figure I'll ever do anything worth writing about. 

 My hope is that these narratives inspire others to think about what it is I'm trying to say. They aren't intended to teach anyone anything. I do think the best teachers inspire the students to think. I consider it a success if that happens. Not happy when others disagree with me, but who is, but satisfied that at least the words were read. I hope it was worth their time. I say it often because I believe it to be the truth, there is little you can say that hasn't been said before. It stands a better chance of being remembered when you write it down though. And at times it seems to me that people don't admire or acknowledge anything until they have to pay for it. The more it costs, the better it is. I'm free, so that explains that.