Magical or Practical

  I've got the tree up and the outdoor decorations are done. Gifts have been purchased but still need to be wrapped. I haven't mailed any cards but have received two so far. The effort is being made but not much Christmas spirit this year. It's all adult thing now that the grands are grown. It's all so very practical and so little magical. I think that is what I'm missing this year, that magic. It's not so much anticipation as it is preparation. And prep is never the fun part of any endeavor. Doesn't matter if it is painting the house or setting up for a party.

  I'm not ready for it to be Christmas. It all just seems so rushed these last few years. No time to smell the roses just try to avoid the thorns. Time is rushing at me, and I don't like that much. Never being one to worry about tomorrow a great deal I've always just gone with the flow. Now I find myself being swept away. It's an unsettling feeling. I wouldn't call it holiday depression although the experts often urge us to seek help. I could pay someone to listen to me and agree, or take a pill for that, change my mood altogether but no need, this too shall pass. You can't be happy all the time, always have it the way you want or the way you remember. The truth is things are pretty much what you make them to be. It's just that sometimes you don't feel like making anything at all.

  I'm beginning to understand what my parents and grandparents meant when they said, you have to make an effort. It was something I heard a great deal when I was a kid and saying, I'm bored. I was told you have to make an effort; it isn't anyone's' job to make you happy. If you wait for someone else to do that, you're going to be lonely most of the time. You can always find something to do, make yourself useful. When your happiness depends upon others you will often be disappointed. So, I'm making the effort this year to have a merry little Christmas. To be grateful for the years past and whatever years there are to come. I suspect even Santa Claus gets a bit grumpy at times, in a funk so to speak. You just have to keep trying. Don't look for the answers outside of yourself, they aren't there.