Not so sure

 It's Mothers day. I have posted my Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms in my Facebook community. My own Mom has been gone now for two years. Gone but not forgotten. There isn't anything I want to write about all of that this morning. My thoughts this morning are not on that. It's an easier way to accept reality. I'll just leave it at a silent Happy Mothers Day, Mom.

 Each morning when I open the door to my Facebook world I check my mailbox, my memories page and see the birthday notifications. I respond to each of them accordingly. Facebook is a place I visit often, perhaps too often at times, but I'm aware of that. Is counseling in my future? I'm certain there are those that could use it judging my some of the comments and responses I see daily. Well, the warm weather is upon us and the great outdoors beckons me. I do like to be out and about just not so much when it is cold. Yes, I'm a fair weather outdoorsman! I admit it. I don't like being out in the cold very much. I also don't like being in the rain or extreme heat. Spring and the early summer are the sweet spot for me right now. 

 As I checked my morning notifications I saw where it was a certain individual's birthday. I won't mention the name, it isn't important. This individual is someone I went to high school with. I say we went to school together is the sense that we were in the same building, possibly the same class. That was a long time ago and I do get confused. I clicked on the person's name to post my happy birthday greeting. I received a message, send in messenger. I assume there is no option to post publicly on their timeline, I'm guessing it is something in settings. Whatever the case is this person is on my friends list and so I am able to send in messenger. At least I'm guessing that is the case. I'm not real sure about any of that, all the ins and outs. So, I did send a happy birthday and had to chuckle as I noticed the last time, I had messaged this person was exactly one year ago, for their birthday. 

 I was telling my wife about this and laughing. I was trying to explain to her who this person is. It's someone I went to school with, an old classmate. But then I said, I know the name more than I know the person. That's what struck me and inspired this writing. How many do we know by name, but we don't really know at all? It has always been that way, but it has been amplified by social media. First hand knowledge and gossip intermingling freely. Where that occurred on a small scale back in the day social media is a never-ending stream. Your name is your reputation. Something we were all told as children by our parents. We were told to protect that name and that reputation. Today I'd say we are all fully exposed most of the time. I know I certainly am, and it is by my own choices. I write these blogs; I post my comments and opinions. I am responsible for what appears on my timeline. Some of you reading this know my name, others know me. The latter is by far the smaller group. 

 It is something we all do to a certain extent. As the years pass, we tend to remember more than we actually do. What I mean is, claiming knowledge that we don't have by first-hand experience, but we were there. Like those names, we know the name but not necessarily the person. You may know their brother or sister, maybe sat in class with them, but you never really knew them. They traveled in their own circles, with their little clique, same as you did. But the name precedes the reputation. It's true even when the reputation was earned by another. If you have older siblings, you know exactly what I mean. 

 In my years on this social media I have talked to those that were just names to me. Those that I never really knew very well fifty years ago. I know the names, the families, the reputations. Whether or not the reputations were deserved I couldn't say nonetheless they exist. I'm certain the same is true with my name, with the way others perceived me. For some they grew to not like me very much, we aren't "friends" anymore. The whole friend's thing on social media, that construct, isn't reality. It's more of a wish list I suppose. We all want to be liked and loved. There are currently 336 names on my friends list. I don't know 336 people. I know 336 names that I accepted as friends. I have rejected many more than that. I haven't removed any names from the list, I have simply blocked some from responding to me. Some that hold a less than favorable opinion of me remain on the list with the full ability to respond any time they like. And some do. That's fine, that's more like real life to me. 

 How many people do you think know you? I mean, know you. I don't believe many know me at all. Despite my constant sharing of my opinions and my feelings I don't think many know. There are times when even those closest to us don't know! That is what causes angst. It drives some to drink, some to do drugs, and others to withdraw from society altogether. Some become bitter, angry and upset. What some call being triggered in this modern parlance. I know all the people I care to know. That's the long and short of it. I have no need, no desire, to be the popular kid. I didn't when I was a kid, and I haven't changed all that much. To some I am confrontational, abrasive, mean, cruel, and a number of unflattering adjectives. Ok, if you say so. Ask me and I'll tell you I'm a delight. Full of humor, uncomplicated, honest and trustworthy. You see what you get with me. If you don't buy it, I don't care. I'm not trying to sell anything. I know me. I'm never quite sure if I know anyone else, but I give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes my doubts are confirmed. How many people do you know? Really know I mean. I only know one, me, and there are days I'm not so sure about him.