Reminders

 Every once in a while, a reminder appears. This morning on my "memories" page I was reminded of the passing of my sister in law, Joan Marie. That made me think of all the others I have said goodbye to over the years. No one told me that getting old was all about saying goodbye. It certainly seems that way at times. In my immediate family only one brother remains, only one that could give first person testimony to my youth. It was something my mother used to talk about when she was the last of her family. She tried to tell me how that felt, and I didn't understand. Now I'm hoping I never do. It feels pretty scary with only two. 

 The thing is though is, those reminders aren't a sadness, that's not the feeling, it's more of a warm sentiment. It's like a certain scent, a favorite blanket or a particular comfort food, memories flood your thoughts. Yes, there is sorrow associated with that, but not a sadness. Those memories are like a warm embrace. It's a comfort. Perhaps that is why I find myself surrounding myself with those reminders. The pictures on the walls, little trinkets set about, small reminders of yesterday. And despite all that unexpected reminders will appear. It is the unexpected reminders that create the largest impact. It was five years ago we said goodbye to Joan Marie. On one hand it seems like yesterday, and on the other a lifetime ago. My final memory of her was picking a tomato off her vine, eating that while laughing with her. She waved goodbye on her porch, smiling, laughing, and full of life. It was only a few hours later that she would pass. A life well lived. 

 I think what we miss is the ability to share. We all have friends and family. Each one plays a different role in our lives. We have those we turn to for every situation. What we miss is the loss of that outlet. Those that we share our secrets with, those that we know we can trust. There are those that listen silently, those that will empathize and those that will advise. We will go to that person to get what we need at the moment. Sometimes the same person can fill all three roles. The thing about sharing is this. The one you are sharing with has to be willing to accept what you are offering whether it is bitter or sweet. They are the ones we trust the most. It takes a long time to build that kind of trust, and the loss of that trust is great.  Irreplaceable. The best we can do is remember! That's what the reminders are for. Reminders are a good thing, embrace them.