about tomorrow

 I have been trying to write a book for quite a while now. Its' a task I have no idea how to do, so I just started writing. I see there are book writing courses you can take online. There are even apps to do that, just fill in the blanks. None of that interests me because I want to tell the story my way. I have no expectation of being a commercial success with my writings. It's not an occupation, just a pastime. 

 I was working on it a bit yesterday when I got frustrated once again. That happens often, I'm used to it. I get frustrated after proof reading portions. It is then I decide the whole thing sounds like an introduction and doesn't have any real substance yet. So, I set it aside and occupy my mind with social media or some mindless television show. I get to thinking about what it is I'm trying to write. That has to be the issue, I'm just not certain what it is I'm trying to say. It is more of a rambling narrative than a structured story. And then I think is that the way my life has been so far? Yes, I think it fair to say I haven't lived a very focused life. I also don't think there is a thing wrong with that. I have fulfilled at least the basic requirements. I've had a lot of fun and few regrets. But then again, we need both to be balanced. Grounded is what they call it, being grounded. I'm thinking I have always flown just a little above the ground, not soaring but definitely not grounded. 

 It has occurred to me that if you wanted to write a novel the best way to do that would be to write what you expected life to be. I'm thinking if I wrote what I thought the results of my actions were going to be,  instead of what actually happened, that would make a great story. I think that may be true with us all. I do know the journey thus far isn't at all what I was expecting. Was it a lack of planning on my part? Yes I suppose you would have to say it was. We do get to choose, to a point. Things happen, that can't be denied, how we react to them is a choice though. 

 I noticed that this posting will be number three thousand. That's a bunch of words. Is there a book in all of that? I'm thinking there may be. What type of book would that be? I don't think it would be a novel, I don't see a story in there. A self-help book? Hardly, I can't help myself,  let alone others. I've never really understood the concept of a self help book in the first place. Isn't the purpose to help yourself? If so, why are you trying to do what someone else tells you to do? See my point there? Whatever floats your boat though. I was told that God helps those who help themselves and subscribe to that theory.  It means to exercise self initiative and work hard. It isn't a Biblical thing, it's not in the Bible,  just old advice. Aesop's fables illustrate this principle. You remember Aesop don't you?

 Each morning I attempt to write something, the hope being, someone else will enjoy it. Really it is a form of therapy for myself. It is a selfish endeavor. It is more of a public journal of my thoughts than anything else. I still keep my private thoughts, private. The reason for that has nothing to do with being afraid or ashamed of those thoughts or ideas, it has to do with maturity. The maturity of the thought or idea that is, not the writer. 

 So this morning I have written a few paragraphs about nothing. It isn't the first time and certainly not the last. It is just the act of writing that I enjoy, trying to pry my thoughts loose. It is something I've noticed, it is beneficial to view those thoughts at a distance. Get a new perspective so to speak. Putting those thoughts on the computer does that. In the old days we did that with pen and paper. I admit this way is much easier. Not sure if it is better. Posting number three thousand. An accomplishment? No, I wouldn't say that. It isn't a goal I set out to reach. I wonder, if you start looking at the end, does that mean the end is close? 

 Now reading over this post it comes off as a bit melancholy. Strange, that isn't the way I'm feeling. Contemplative is what I would say. I'm just thinking about stuff. It doesn't mean I'm committed to that stuff. I was hoping I would have something profound to say this morning, it being number three thousand and all, but that's not the case. Guess I'll have to keep on writing. Tomorrow is another day, after all. Isn't that what Scarlett O'Hara said? I'll worry about it tomorrow.