Enough

  As memorial day approaches the advertising intensifies. There is much to be gained, given at a discount, as a tribute to our fallen heroes. Huge discounts on the all -American Jeep, discounts on one-day bathroom install and discounts on all your barbecuing needs. Everything you need to celebrate and honor. And for me I find it all disturbing. It just seems to lack dignity and honor. We are to commemorate the fallen, to remember and honor them. We say they made a sacrifice but that isn't my view. A sacrifice is freely given, their lives were taken from them. Yes, they were willing to fight, to accept that eventuality, but that doesn't mean they offered their lives freely with some expectation of return. And that is what sacrifice is all about, an exchange. A quid pro quo. 

  As a veteran I am aware of all the discounts and gifts being offered. It is something I struggle with all the time. I just don't feel right asking for those discounts or free stuff being offered. I appreciate the intent, the willingness to express your gratitude for my service and all that, but still, it makes me feel uneasy. I've been to events where they ask for all veterans to stand up. I have only done so by the urging of my family members, by their insistence that I do so. I would not otherwise do so. A local restaurant offers free donuts and a free breakfast to all veterans, just tell them you are one. I won't do that. I do not feel entitled to anything like that, I was compensated for my time in the service. I don't want anything extra. 

  It's a conflict because I will accept a discount at Lowes or the Home Depot. I justify that in my mind by saying, they are still making a profit, I'm not getting something for free. Getting a veterans discount isn't taking advantage or asking for a handout. Those are the things I say to myself but I remain uneasy about that logic. I do not belong to any veterans organization. I seldom wear anything that would indicate my past service. It's only in the last few years that I have taken to displaying some of my memorabilia from my time in the service. For me it was just a job I was doing, something that needed to be done, and I was willing to do that. I received compensation for that and continue to receive retirement benefits. That is what they are, benefits. Benefits are an advantage or profit gained. True, I earned those benefits, that is what makes me entitled to them, but they remain as a benefit. I have not earned anything additional and for that reason I struggle with this "free" stuff. I'm not entitled. 

  I think maybe all of that stems from my childhood. My father was a veteran of WW2 and so were the majority of the men I knew. Those men rarely spoke of the war, of their time in the service. The only real time I heard much about that was on Memorial day or veterans day. Even then I heard very little, as they may mention those who were lost. Never did I hear anyone demanding, expecting, or asking for any special consideration for their service. 

  What those veterans may have shared in those smoke filled veterans clubs I can't say. I recall going to the VFW club when I had first graduated from boot camp and was home on leave. It was smoke filled, rather dark, and men lined the bar holding their drinks. I was in uniform and ordered a beer. My money was refused. I attempted to buy a round of drinks and that was refused as well. My money wasn't any good in there. Nothing much was said, just words of encouragement. There were no big war stories told, no tales of bravado or any of that, mostly I felt a quiet acceptance. I did feel like I was a member of the club, although at that time I had no idea about any of that. Those that have served understand, and it isn't something that can be explained to those that haven't. 

  I feel a bit embarrassed when someone says, thank you for your service. I have no response to that, just a simple thank you. I feel a bit embarrassed accepting those discounts, but not enough to refuse them. I will not ask for them however, I will not produce my ID card to obtain a free breakfast or donut. I will say yes if I am asked, are you a veteran? Rarely will I offer that information without being asked. I served, I came home unscathed and continued on. Many did not. I benefitted from my service and continue to do so. It is enough. 

                                                                         

   I served from 1971-1993  It was a long time ago. In the last century.