All things change in time. There is no denying that. That is what causes the angst in aging. We get the feeling that things are going the wrong way, in a new direction, and it isn't going to be good. After all, the past is what got us to where we are. If you are happy with where you are, you wouldn't want to change any of that, in fact, you attempt to share that with your children and grandchildren. That is the position I find myself in. I can't speak for others that may not be as content in their lives as I am. Yes, change sometimes bothers me, sometimes causing a sense of dread, a fear for the future. It's a future I won't share, we are all mortal after all, but my grandchildren will be there, and great grandchildren as well. That's the future I fear.
In this modern digital world we can experience all sorts of things, live, as they are taking place even though we are miles or even continents away from that event. It is that ability that contributes to this feeling of angst experienced by us senior people. But what I discovered was this digital world also facilitates a sort of time travel. You can be taken back to those places of your youth, instantly and in living color. That happened to me yesterday as I was scrolling Facebook. There it was, a live stream from St. Luke's Episcopal Church in East Hampton, New York. The very church I was baptized in, received my first communion, sang in the jr. choir and served as an acolyte throughout my high school years. I last attended services there in about 1973 or so. The reverend Samuel Davis was the rector.
Things had changed, drastically in my view. The altar was in a different location. The Reverend was in robes more reminiscent of Catholic priests I had seen and it all seemed a bit foreign. My first thought was, St. Like's has gone Catholic! The service being conducted was different, mostly the same words, the same lesson plan, but somehow different, more formal in nature than I remembered. All of that from a video that isn't really a video at all, it was happening live as I watched from my desktop. How strange that seems to me. It's like attending church in your pajamas! Gives me the feeling of being a sort of peeping Tom, looking in on someone without their knowledge or permission. It's a new world for certain.
I realized that what I was seeing was the past changed. The familiar becoming the strange. Had I remained a member of that church congregation the changes would have been gradual, perhaps even gone unnoticed. Many times we are excited about the new, embrace that readily and indeed, look for ways to create it. The truth being, we just want to change the past that we may not be completely satisfied with. A relaxing of the rules so to speak, even when that imposes additional rules upon us. But in this case not so much rules, as rituals.
Do the rules establish the ritual? On the surface of things that would appear to be the case. Rituals are used to reenforce the rules, that's my thinking on that. Ritual creates that "birds of a feather" atmosphere, that feeling of belonging that humans crave. The scientists calling that being a "social" animal. We are indeed social animals, those that avoid society being given various labels, recluse, eccentric or anti-social. Hermits are notorious for their lack of interaction with others.
As I watched the rituals being performed in that church service, in a building quite familiar to me, I saw no one I knew. I didn't know the Priest, and he was a Priest not a minister or the the Reverend, that is Samuel Davis, I didn't know any of the congregants, although I admit I didn't see many in that live stream. Communion was being offered but it wasn't being done in the proper way, it wasn't following the ritual as I had been taught. I found it unsettling and I turned away. At first I had a feeling close to anger, I was upset. Then the feeling became one of a begrudged acceptance. There was nothing wrong with what they were doing, it's just that they were doing that in a different way, in my church.
After thinking about this for some time, analyzing my emotions so to speak, I put my finger on it. The ritual I had witnessed wasn't familiar to me. That was it in a nutshell. I felt like an outsider, that feeling enhanced by the fact I was "looking" in from afar. It's a rather surreal experience. The past is there, but hidden from view. The ritual I had witnessed seemed a bit more formal, a bit more stylized than I recall. I was not a part of that congregation, not a participant in any way, just an observer. There was no one to see my reactions, to see if I was engaged with the "ritual" of worship. The bottom line being, no one to observe the piety of my worship, and isn't that why I attended those ritual services in the first place? It was important that others see me there. Never wanting to admit to that I would deny that with the argument that God is everywhere, and the church is just a building.
I think that used to be the case societally, the importance of that attendance losing its' value over the years. It's a change. All things change over time. With this particular societal change I believe we have seen an increase in crime, violence, and an altered sense of morality? Attending those services served as a reminder of our vulnerability. We are all mortal beings, and will face a final reckoning. More importantly however those services instructed us. They served as a reminder of the rules. Rules that some would label dogma. Dogma are the rules of a religious belief. That is what it means today, in the modern world. Like all things that has changed over time. The original meaning from the "Greek" was something that seems true. As I said, that has changed. Currently the change being the removal of dogma altogether. Everything must be proven, no belief allowed. The doubting Thomas's of the world having their day in court.
It could be said that our Constitution is the dogma of America. The Declaration of Independence stated, "we hold these truths to be self evident" a statement of dogma, no proof required. The Constitution being the rule book. The ritual of government procedure altering that document over the years. Should the rules create the ritual, or the ritual follow the rules? Ritual should reenforce the rules is my thought. But, you shouldn't change the rules to accommodate a ritual. Rituals are created through culture, tradition and what the people need. We all need to believe in something! Ritual and religion establish what that something is. Seeing all that change, that is what causes the angst of aging. When your beliefs are challenged that is what will happen.
Even Democrats have good thoughts once in a while. FDR said this, "We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon." The importance of belief can not be overstated. Question the rules, not the dogma. The rules may change but dogma remains the same. You don't change your beliefs, you change your understanding of the rules.
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