perceived

  I began writing these blogs as an amusement. The reason has changed a bit over the years. Today I'm telling myself they are going to be a record. A way to leave my thoughts, my feelings and observations behind for future generations to reflect upon. That is what grandfather said. It's a grand delusion and I'm quite aware of it. It is like when you're dreaming and you know it is a dream. That happens to me often enough that it is a familiar thing. I do not attempt to understand those dreams, I don't believe they mean anything at all, just the random firing of neurons in the brain. I'm trusting the science on that one. 

  I have written about the full spectrum of human emotions, the full spectrum of the human condition. Still, there are subjects I try to avoid. I do believe there are some things best left between you and you God, whatever your conception of God is. I don't believe anyone actually does not believe in a higher power than man, a force that created the universe and everything in it. I've heard plenty of those that deny all of that, claiming to be an Atheist or some modified form of belief, like an agnostic. The agnostic just avoiding giving an answer. They're undecided. 

  Everyone turns somewhere in times of trouble. Everyone has a back up plan to soothe their emotional storms. That runs the full gambit as well. Most require the cooperation of others. There are few that can stand alone. In the Christian tradition those folks are called martyrs. Their belief is unwavering, requiring nothing else. Some turn to drink, to drugs or a variety of other indulgences. I have discovered I get "closure" a term I despise, by writing it down. It is those writings that I attempt to avoid in these blogs. As is in evidence, I don't always succeed. I don't really get a "closure" it is more like a cover up. The reason we cover things are to avoid the stink. Yes, sometimes there are those things in life that just stink. Strangely enough, we are occasionally the only one that can smell it! The necessity to cover it up doesn't go away because of that.

  This morning after having written and posted well over five thousand blogs, I'm questioning that. Has it simply become a habit? My sister kept what she called her journal. She wrote for herself, to herself and never shared those writings with anyone. She told me as she filled a volume up, she discarded it and began a new one. The frequency and amount that she wrote I don't know, she didn't talk about that much. It was a therapy for her. I suppose that same could be said for these postings of mine. I do get a sense of accomplishment, or satisfaction, when I finish one. They are different feelings you know. I occasionally receive a remark, a comment or an acknowledgement. I'm always thankful for that. It is difficult to walk alone. 

  I hear there are those that "follow" celebrities. That is something I really don't grasp. I enjoy watching celebrities doing whatever it is they do. I really am not interested in their private lives however. What they eat, wear, or go for vacation doesn't concern me in the least. Their homes and cars aren't of interest either. I really do get why you would follow them. I get the imitation is the sincerest form of flattery thing, that's what fashion is all about, a sort of social signaling system. But why aren't we interested in what the everyday, average, person thinks, or cares about? Why are celebrity opinions valued so highly? That's the part I just don't understand at all. They all really do put their pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. Well, unless they are putting on a performance. 

  If you want an expert opinion, go to an expert in that field of interest. Still you have to remember that expertise isn't a learned thing, it is acquired. That's why there are so many educated damn fools in this world. Those folks haven't acquired true expertise, only a piece of parchment granting them some "degree" of knowledge. That "degree" isn't really a specified amount, it being the minimum required to complete the course of study. There is much to be learned from the "uneducated" if you but pay attention to them. True expertise is gained through perception, independent of knowledge. 

  But reality isn't very amusing, is it? I'm guessing that is the fascination with celebrities. For just a moment or two you live that fantasy, that dream. You are rich and famous, loved by all. It's a good dream, nothing wrong with that I suppose. Sometimes when I'm writing I feel like Hemmingway or Marcus Aurelius'. I'm amused. So I guess my reason for writing really hasn't changed at all, I'm just amused. That, and I do enjoy an expert opinion. It does comes in degrees. I can see where being a celebrity could become problematic though. You have to keep everyone else amused in order to maintain the  illusion. Confusion works almost as well.