Ancient writings

 I received a journal or memoir book as a gift from my granddaughter. It is a hard bound volume designed for you to write your life story in. A legacy book is another term for that. It is divided into chapters and there are questions for you to answer. A gift for my birthday that my granddaughter will one day get returned. A sort of regifting? She wrote in the card that she couldn't wait to read it. I told her, don't be in a hurry! You don't get it until the final chapter has been written. She explained to me how one of her patients, she's training to become a radiologist, told her there was so much she didn't know about her grandfather and how there is no one left to ask. And so, my granddaughter now wants me to write it down. I'm smiling because there is little I haven't written down already but there are some things. The question is, do I include that in the book?

 This isn't the first time I have considered that, the recording of "secrets." When I first began blogging, telling my stories and offering my opinions and insights, I was aware of one thing, I am crafting a legacy. A legacy is what you leave behind. Still, when it comes to those that know you, that are close to your family and such, your legacy isn't up to you, it's up to what those folks remember about you, or what they have been told. It is something we hear a great deal about these days, complete transparency. Is that really a good thing? I believe that is totally dependent upon the person receiving that "transparent" information. In todays polarized political climate it surely could influence someone, altering your legacy in a very bad way. But then again, as I have pointed out in the past, if you discover one of your ancestors had achieved any sort of fame or notoriety, even criminal in nature, you would be quick to claim that. It all depends upon how long ago that took place.

  It comes down to the question of a "need to know" basis. Do my descendants need to know it all? Do I expose those chinks in the armor? I'm still of the mindset that I shouldn't reveal any weaknesses or shortcomings. I realize that today many will wave a flag and proclaim all of that, telling it all with pride and expecting adulation in return. They are survivors! I try not to let others discover my foul ups, mistakes, and acts of bad judgement. I usually find those types of stories to be disingenuous. For me, it's the same thing as, me too. I'm rather hoping to be viewed as exceptional. And therein lies the problem, if I tell everything there will be some tarnish! I have made mistakes. I'm calling it experienced, experienced is a good thing, right? But do you need to know how I gained that experience? I'm thinking all you need to know is that I did. 

  Should your personal memoir be a tell all? That's the question. I was given this life and I do feel a responsibility to explain the expenditure of that life. It was a gift after all. Of course my descendants didn't give it to me and perhaps I don't need to explain it to them. I'm thinking that perhaps my personal memoir should be more of a tell all to myself. A self examination of my life, where I came from and where I am today. It will be a biased view of things, no doubt about that and I will make no pretense otherwise. I can say this with some degree of certainty. If I were the one reading it, it wouldn't change my feelings toward the individual. What I mean is, I discovered some things about those that I have known and loved all my life after their passing. Those things didn't change the way I felt about them in any way, in fact, it provided some answers, some further insight to that person. 

  I'm going to buy a good pen to use while writing in that memoir. My thought is to pass the pen along with the book. The vast majority of what is written will be printed because I want it to be read. My cursive handwriting leaves a lot to be desired, penmanship wasn't my best subject in grade school. Yes, we were graded on that when I went to school. I will include some of that cursive handwriting for my descendants to study over and decipher. Perhaps those items I'm not so willing to admit too I will record in that fashion. Perhaps one day that memoir will be viewed as an ancient manuscript. That's a thought that amuses me.