You can choose your own identity but that places no obligation on me. I will identify you in any way I choose. That's just how that works, like it or not. I recall as a child identifying as a lot of things, we called it making believe back then, and occasionally my brothers and sister would play along, sometimes even mom and dad did. I was a pirate, a cowboy, a professional baseball player, actor, artist and daredevil, just to name a few. But I always knew it was just make believe, the proof was right there before me. I wasn't any of those things. As far as personal identity, there was never any doubt about whether I was a boy or a girl. The proof of that was also right in front of me. I was always a boy pirate, boy cowboy, boy actor, boy artist and a boy daredevil. There is photograph of me, taken when I was about five or so, wearing a dress. My siblings thought it would be funny and dressed me up. Mom and Dad did laugh, took that picture and I understood immediately how ridiculous that was. That was the only lesson in "gender identity" I ever had. I was a boy wearing a dress, how silly is that?
I never imagined that this notion of gender identity, or identity in general, would ever become such a hot topic of discussion. Look the reality is this; we all feel a certain way about ourselves and then there is the way others perceive us to be. The two rarely, if ever, are the same. Admit it, you know you are smarter, better looking, and in general a better person than the majority of those you know. You are so convinced of that you don't need to mention it at all, just knowing is enough. The proof is right there before you, you live it every day. The more insecure we become, the more we grab at things for validation. That's what all this "me too" stuff is all about. It is what drives people to join cults, religious groups and fraternities. It's assuming the identity of those groups.
The challenge we all face in life is becoming comfortable with our self identity. I feel fortunate to have grown up in a time when that was made easier by those around you. We all knew the difference between make believe and what was real. We gained that understanding of the way I feel may not always be what the reality is. We learned that when singing before others and were told, you couldn't carry a tune if it was in a bucket. We learned that when we tried to paint a picture and it was awful. Now I never had a pirate ship, a peg leg or a parrot, but I knew that was all just in the movies. I also knew, getting a ship, cutting a leg off and having a parrot wouldn't make me a pirate! No, that isn't how any of that works.
The challenge is in accepting your limitations and adjusting your expectations. Call me cynical if you will, but I don't expect much from others. I certainly don't expect to be able to dictate to them whether they should accept whatever I say or do. I don't have that authority. I learned that a very long time ago. Perhaps it was with this one sentence, "I'll give you something to cry about." I learned that when I didn't get that gold star on the board because I hadn't earned that gold star, no matter how much I felt that I should have gotten it. No, my feeling didn't matter then, doesn't matter now either. I learned to adjust and adapt. I've come to better know what to expect and I'm prepared for that. Not to say I don't find it annoying, sometimes infuriating when others disappoint me, but I'm seldom surprised. The proof is usually right there in front of me. All I have to do is look. And I sure do wish others would open their eyes!
So, what is the proof of identity? Barring any documents we will take your identity at face value. Yes, some call that profiling, prejudicial and judgmental. But that is how we identify each other. What do they look like? That isn't a question about their internal psyche, their feelings. It has nothing to do with that. True, it will identify them as belonging to a certain grouping , any number of groupings in fact. Then after we identified what group we perceive them to be associated with, our personal experiences with that group will determine our reaction. Without any personal experience we will rely on what we have been taught. If you google "proof of identity" you will be provided with a list of acceptable proofs, such as a birth certificate or drivers license. There is no proof of how you identify yourself. The reason is a simple one, you are the only one that gets to do that, everyone else gets to decide on your identity for themselves. Me, I'm an absolute delight, educated, good looking, generous, kind, honest and trustworthy.
I'm a male of the species and can prove that if necessary with a simple dna sample. I have xy chromosomes. Science has determined that identifies males. They could have decided it was XX but they didn't. Now it's true there are aberrations, deformations, and abnormalities found in human dna. Each one is associated with either the xy or xx chromosomes, determining whether it is a male or female problem. That's how that is identified. At least in the present moment it is. The reality being even if scientist decided to change those designations it wouldn't change what I am. My identity remains the same, you really can't change that at all. At best, you can change what others perceive you to be. Generally speaking though, it has to benefit them for them to accept the "new" you. Whether it is for entertainment or business, it has to benefit others for them to accept that. It doesn't necessarily have to do them any harm to be rejected though, and that, that is just the straight out truth. The proof is right in front of you. Won't do you a bit of good to make believe.
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