Get serious

 I keep hearing stories on television about the issue with porch pirates. I just wonder how we took to calling thieves porch pirates, like it is a cute little moniker. Aye matey, we be plundering! They are just thieves, low life individuals lacking any sense of morality. It is almost like it has become a game, how to fool the pirates. Are we going to start calling shoplifters pirates too? Why not, they are doing the same action. Or are we going to start calling all of that undocumented acquisitions. That way we won't offend anyone by calling then what they are, thieves. 

 I do not have a camera rigged to photograph any one coming to my door. I have enough problem with all the other tech stuff I do have. The town does have a few cameras on main street but nothing covering my area. Yes I know I can just buy that ring doorbell and it comes with the app and all that. In fact I purchased one as a gift for my son, that was a few years back. It still works to this day. I have no desire to have one. I am not concerned about pirates. I do order frequently from Amazon and those packages are sitting on my porch. I haven't lost any so far. I am offered a safe drop box where I can go to get my stuff if I want to do that. I don't see the point. If I wanted to go somewhere else to pick up my package I wouldn't order it sent to my doorstep. I would just go to the other place. 

 In Maryland theft under 1500 dollars is just a misdemeanor. A slap on the wrist and an admonishment to not do that again. It doesn't matter how many times you are caught either, it's an unlimited plan. The courts in Baltimore report a very high number of repeat offenders, especially juveniles. Nothing really happens to them. They are sent home and told not to do it again. Being juveniles when they become adults all of that is sealed, so you could be hiring a career criminal and not have a clue about that. Then they can steal less than 1500 dollars from your business and still just get a misdemeanor charge. Not only that they have special "programs and incentives" for those being caught, you know, to help them get on the straight and narrow. Well, their brains aren't fully developed yet so it's not their fault.

  Now it's important to know that the value of stolen goods isn't cumulative. Each theft is an individual misdemeanor. I could take a package off every porch on the block but I only get charged for the value of each package individually, not the total amount. Each homeowner would have to press charges individually. The kids, even with those underdeveloped brains, are well aware of this and use it to their advantage. Well they are just porch pirates, isn't that cute. And it is illegal for you to set up any sort of trap or device that may harm them in any way. You are subject to being sued should any harm come to the pirates. I've seen lots of videos about that, all very funny stuff, but illegal. I'm thinking they have all been staged. You can't believe what you see. 

  Times change I understand all of that. When I was a kid stealing was a very bad thing to be accused of. And like most kids I was tempted to give that a try at the 5&10. No one would notice if I just took one piece of bazooka joe. I did and Mom noticed! I got almost to the car before being discovered. I was marched right back into that store and made to confess to the cashier exactly what I had done. Mom paid for the gum, I was thoroughly embarrassed. I was told, I'll be keeping an eye on you from now on. 

After we got home I wasn't traumatized by my punishment because I knew I had earned that punishment. Yes, earning something didn't always equate to it being something you wanted. I never stole anything again. As a child I was told that messing around with the mail was a federal offense and you would go to the big house for that! You didn't open another's mailbox, you didn't open someone else's mail, not ever. Had a neighbor that was drinking, took a baseball bat and smashed a mailbox for fun. He went to jail! You don't mess with the mail! 

  Porch pirates. Thieves is what they are and they should be locked up! Should be a federal offense to steal any packages from a porch. True Amazon isn't the United States Postal service but those deliveries should be treated with the same seriousness. As far as misdemeanors I'd add them up with those juveniles. If you have now stolen over 1500 dollars worth of goods, that's a felony, even if it took you a year to accumulate that much. Yeah, no more free passes as long as you moderate you thievery! Theft is theft regardless of the price of the object. You want to be a pirate? You can walk the plank as far as I'm concerned. Steal from Davey Jones locker if you can.